rain

baby crying at her side…one on the way

aged beyond her years hunched

as if the weight of the world is on her 

with the first drop of rain….comes the first tear

she is alone now…lost and confused

never been there before…doesn’t know what to do

shaking uncontrollably…baby screaming 

putting her hands to her face 

the rain pours as if were tears…her tears

the baby settles in a seat

she steps out into the rain…drops to her knees

searching…hoping for answers

winter ended

Bitter winter

While winter may have pasted

The bitterness remains

Cold and blue I’m stuck in here again

Alone no one to help me

I’m standing in the cold

Looking for a way out

As always there isnt one

I feel so desperate in need of help

All these pills and nothing provides relief

I’m overcome with anxiety guilt grief and confusion

Lost in my own vortex of mass chaos

Need to find a way out of myself

Shaking heart pounding

Covered in cold sweat

Darkness surrounds light scarce

Staring off into space

Mind racing out of control

Always sucking me in

Can’t pull my head out of the fog

Standing right above the edge of hell

Fire bellow just waiting for my fall 

angry sex

angry sex

i find you in the dark….words are not needed

physical release i crave with every flick of my tongue 

i feel you growing your inner animal emerging

my back push against the wall dripping with anticipation 

you enter every thrust deeper and harder than the last

providing my body with pleasure and pain i’m begging for it

you take me faster and i cry out in raw dirty pleasure

your manhood pushing….deep hard leading me teasing

use our bodies to exploit the angry physical release desired 

so close dripping you push hard against the wall losing control

i take you in deep and cum on your shaft buried deep in me

and moan as i have i received the angry sexual release  needed  

filled with your cum we walk way with not a word spoken….just  used for 

moments of fucking angry and raw… when i need you need it again

i’ll find you waiting…. to drive your manhood deep to my raw passion

cruel Possession

maybe you forgot who i am or never really knew
you thought after i left you anything you said or did would get to me
sorry pal when you crossed that line my mind was made and i stopped caring
you put your hands on me out of anger you would never do that again
i lived with your angry moods and yelling for nearly 20 years enough
i took the internal and mental bruises anger was your tool that day hands weapons
truth be told i wanted out and just gave me one as they took you off in cuffs 
i was so ready for goodbye you calling apologies and tears flowing 
your hands didn't break me your apologies and tears didn't bend me
you were in a cell for 20 days i lived in one for years your weak wife 
broke free by your strong hands i had my chance to end my time
it was easy to let go with all i gave and took trying to keep you happy
from the start i was the fool manipulated lied to cheated on was the norm
i was young stupid and broken when you found me and rebuild me to meet your needs
as years passed i was numb and trapped felt it better for the kids us together 
your angry games turning cruel using my illness to control me knowing just how to turn against me
breaking me you did it so subtly and i believed it was my doing you were the support
i was causing the pain and picked up a razor these scars many carry your name
i gave up tried suicide almost dead words spoke remember you did this to me then blackness
woke in another psych unit years of full of this you pushed when needed pulled back timing perfect
then you turn treatment against me threatened to leave me i was getting better and you scared 
i guess you believed my illness kept me there cruel and coldly turned my kids into weapons
knowing i couldn't live without them spoke of taking them and leaving they didn't want me
i was on my knees again watched you build a wall between us you stole so much time
that was meant for my children i'm making up lost minutes everyday with you gone 
there's laughing hugs and strength we are all happier now you lost it and gave me my chance 
ok now lets see how you will spin this yup i live with mental illness and it's problems 
since you've been gone i have improved remarkably getting treatment learning to deal 
and finding i strong enough to live 
i thought i couldn't live without you...i just couldn't live WITH you

thankfully christine  
   

One more time...please

Lost and alone in this city of darkness

Empty of love and full of lies

You build a wall between

Your dreams and the madness

I reached out my hand

But you run and hide

I watched you cry in the rain

I want to bring back the joy again

Open your heart to mine

I believe…I believe this time you won’t be sorry

Not this time baby open your heart tonight

I believe you might be lucky this time

No guarantees when you risk your emotions

So you surrendered and it all went astray

Bitter and hopeless in your cold  isolation

But my love won’t ever fade away

I want to dry all your tears

You know there’s nothing to fear

When the shadows start to fall

Let my love break down the walls

The Crazy Girl

This crazy girl with the crazy brain

Walks among you all

 Surely past right by her

And you’d never know

The crazy thought she just had

When she saw you

Ohhh yeah she saw you

There isnt a thing she misses

With her eyes closed…

She sees more than you

All the face’s the eyes the cars driving by

What color model and license plate #

You didn’t think she’d miss that

Did you…really

She’ll look in your eyes listen to you speak

While her brain dances wildly

So many thoughts death, food, there goes a bird,

 Sex, murder, who’s watching, mmm food again,

I know you can hear me thinking, what if i just-

(enter any word here), what's going on now, 

All way to counting the seconds passing…

This all goes on in her head

While she blinks smiles sweetly and

Nods her crazy head at you

Looking no different than anyone else in a room

In her crazy brain she nothing like you

Her sense’s always tingling

Body always in a state of unrest

Brain always racing obsessing

Thoughts so intrusive and rude

She thinks it’s funny sometimes

That you will never know

The mildest of her thoughts would

Make the average person blush, flinch, sick,

Concerned, confused, all of the above

But you’ll never know what

Craziness goes on in her brain

Cause this crazy girl with the crazy brain

Could be looking right at you…

And you’ll never know

i will fight for it

I will fight for it

This war is not over

For me it’s just beginning

I’ve been taking shelter

Hiding in the fox hole

Taking blow after blow

Watching those around me fall

Too scared to enter the fight

But now I’m front and center

Standing in the front line

Ready to face the opposition

Gear in hand-I walk to the center of the battle field

I’ve taken so many hits and given a few

It’s going to be bad the casualties will be many

Lifeless bodies stretch across the field

But it’s not in vain

I’ve come to see this is a battle worth fighting

A war of necessity

After the bloodshed and smoke clears

I’ll be standing bullet ridden bloody standing in the center of the field

Looking at all the loss

Knowing I’m far from innocent in this

But realize this has been raging around me-my life

It would never end

Not until I entered the fight

Bloody and sweaty walking passed the fallen

Off the battle field looking at the freedom ahead

Realizing something’s really are worth fighting for