Thursday, September 5, 2013

rain


baby crying at her side…one on the way
aged beyond her years hunched
as if the weight of the world is on her 
with the first drop of rain….comes the first tear
she is alone now…lost and confused
never been there before…doesn’t know what to do
shaking uncontrollably…baby screaming 
putting her hands to her face 
the rain pours as if were tears…her tears
the baby settles in a seat
she steps out into the rain…drops to her knees
searching…hoping for answers


Thursday, August 29, 2013

winter ended

Bitter winter
While winter may have pasted
The bitterness remains
Cold and blue I’m stuck in here again
Alone no one to help me
I’m standing in the cold
Looking for a way out
As always there isnt one
I feel so desperate in need of help
All these pills and nothing provides relief
I’m overcome with anxiety guilt grief and confusion
Lost in my own vortex of mass chaos
Need to find a way out of myself
Shaking heart pounding
Covered in cold sweat
Darkness surrounds light scarce
Staring off into space
Mind racing out of control
Always sucking me in
Can’t pull my head out of the fog
Standing right above the edge of hell

Fire bellow just waiting for my fall 

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

angry sex

angry sex
i find you in the dark….words are not needed
physical release i crave with every flick of my tongue 
i feel you growing your inner animal emerging
my back push against the wall dripping with anticipation 
you enter every thrust deeper and harder than the last
providing my body with pleasure and pain i’m begging for it
you take me faster and i cry out in raw dirty pleasure
your manhood pushing….deep hard leading me teasing
use our bodies to exploit the angry physical release desired 
so close dripping you push hard against the wall losing control
i take you in deep and cum on your shaft buried deep in me
and moan as i have i received the angry sexual release  needed  
filled with your cum we walk way with not a word spoken….just  used for 
moments of fucking angry and raw… when i need you need it again
i’ll find you waiting…. to drive your manhood deep to my raw passion

Saturday, August 24, 2013

cruel Possession

maybe you forgot who i am or never really knew
you thought after i left you anything you said or did would get to me
sorry pal when you crossed that line my mind was made and i stopped caring
you put your hands on me out of anger you would never do that again
i lived with your angry moods and yelling for nearly 20 years enough
i took the internal and mental bruises anger was your tool that day hands weapons
truth be told i wanted out and just gave me one as they took you off in cuffs 
i was so ready for goodbye you calling apologies and tears flowing 
your hands didn't break me your apologies and tears didn't bend me
you were in a cell for 20 days i lived in one for years your weak wife 
broke free by your strong hands i had my chance to end my time
it was easy to let go with all i gave and took trying to keep you happy
from the start i was the fool manipulated lied to cheated on was the norm
i was young stupid and broken when you found me and rebuild me to meet your needs
as years passed i was numb and trapped felt it better for the kids us together 
your angry games turning cruel using my illness to control me knowing just how to turn against me
breaking me you did it so subtly and i believed it was my doing you were the support
i was causing the pain and picked up a razor these scars many carry your name
i gave up tried suicide almost dead words spoke remember you did this to me then blackness
woke in another psych unit years of full of this you pushed when needed pulled back timing perfect
then you turn treatment against me threatened to leave me i was getting better and you scared 
i guess you believed my illness kept me there cruel and coldly turned my kids into weapons
knowing i couldn't live without them spoke of taking them and leaving they didn't want me
i was on my knees again watched you build a wall between us you stole so much time
that was meant for my children i'm making up lost minutes everyday with you gone 
there's laughing hugs and strength we are all happier now you lost it and gave me my chance 
ok now lets see how you will spin this yup i live with mental illness and it's problems 
since you've been gone i have improved remarkably getting treatment learning to deal 
and finding i strong enough to live 
i thought i couldn't live without you...i just couldn't live WITH you

thankfully christine  
   

Friday, August 23, 2013

One more time...please

Lost and alone in this city of darkness
Empty of love and full of lies
You build a wall between
Your dreams and the madness
I reached out my hand
But you run and hide
I watched you cry in the rain
I want to bring back the joy again
Open your heart to mine
I believe…I believe this time you won’t be sorry
Not this time baby open your heart tonight
I believe you might be lucky this time
No guarantees when you risk your emotions
So you surrendered and it all went astray
Bitter and hopeless in your cold  isolation
But my love won’t ever fade away
I want to dry all your tears
You know there’s nothing to fear
When the shadows start to fall
Let my love break down the walls


Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Crazy Girl

This crazy girl with the crazy brain
Walks among you all
 Surely past right by her
And you’d never know
The crazy thought she just had
When she saw you
Ohhh yeah she saw you
There isnt a thing she misses
With her eyes closed…
She sees more than you
All the face’s the eyes the cars driving by
What color model and license plate #
You didn’t think she’d miss that
Did you…really
She’ll look in your eyes listen to you speak
While her brain dances wildly
So many thoughts death, food, there goes a bird,
 Sex, murder, who’s watching, mmm food again,
I know you can hear me thinking, what if i just-
(enter any word here), what's going on now, 
All way to counting the seconds passing…
This all goes on in her head
While she blinks smiles sweetly and
Nods her crazy head at you
Looking no different than anyone else in a room
In her crazy brain she nothing like you
Her sense’s always tingling
Body always in a state of unrest
Brain always racing obsessing
Thoughts so intrusive and rude
She thinks it’s funny sometimes
That you will never know
The mildest of her thoughts would
Make the average person blush, flinch, sick,
Concerned, confused, all of the above
But you’ll never know what
Craziness goes on in her brain
Cause this crazy girl with the crazy brain
Could be looking right at you…
And you’ll never know


i will fight for it

I will fight for it
This war is not over
For me it’s just beginning
I’ve been taking shelter
Hiding in the fox hole
Taking blow after blow
Watching those around me fall
Too scared to enter the fight
But now I’m front and center
Standing in the front line
Ready to face the opposition
Gear in hand-I walk to the center of the battle field
I’ve taken so many hits and given a few
It’s going to be bad the casualties will be many
Lifeless bodies stretch across the field
But it’s not in vain
I’ve come to see this is a battle worth fighting
A war of necessity
After the bloodshed and smoke clears
I’ll be standing bullet ridden bloody standing in the center of the field
Looking at all the loss
Knowing I’m far from innocent in this
But realize this has been raging around me-my life
It would never end
Not until I entered the fight
Bloody and sweaty walking passed the fallen
Off the battle field looking at the freedom ahead

Realizing something’s really are worth fighting for